Tuesday, 23 July 2013

Making choices

I think. I think a lot. Not that there is anything wrong with thinking, in fact I would actively encourage it, it’s just that I take it to extremes. I think about something, I think about how I will go about doing it and use my much loved Filofax to plan it in minute detail. I often feel the need to print and punch newly designed pages which will help me carry out my new project.

Then that is it.

It sits there in another section making my Filofax look fatter and I tell myself I have done something. I haven’t though. I have just reached the pre-doing stage. I have thought and I have organised my thoughts but I haven’t really DONE anything.

Then I have another thought and the process starts again. I have a box with sections I have taken out of my Filofax to make room for more things I won’t do.

Until now. If you are reading this then I will have actually done something. Recently my life has changed a great deal (time for all that later) giving me a chance to make different choices. Part of my latest plan was to start a blog. My impulse was to get my Filofax and start planning. I didn’t. I switched on my laptop, went to blogger and entered names (variations on the one I ended up with) until I found one that was available. It took me about 5 attempts. I don’t know what I am doing really and I have butterflies writing this. How ridiculous. I also have this niggling doubt that I will actually post this. Aaaargh! Stop thinking and do!

I know what some of this is about. You can’t fail thinking and you can’t fail writing down your thoughts but you can fail doing. I have read numerous inspirational quotes and writings debunking my theory and can agree with a lot of them wholeheartedly. However I then carry on thinking and it all goes to pot.

When I was at school I was one of those students that never put their hand up in case they were wrong. I don’t know where this came from but it doesn’t help that when I think about the past I often remember the negative before the positive. Some things I can laugh about now but others make me wish I could go back in time and change them. No, not change them, change my reaction so I wasn’t still so afraid of making mistakes.

So here we go. If I can post this then I can change the pattern. From here I can take the next step in my very vague plan. I will still think, I will still worry  and I will still use my Filofax to organise myself but only when I actually have something to organise. 

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